Every Time You Use Comic Sans, God Kills a Kitten

pvp20090511

This is today’s PVP.  Has this ever happened to you?  Do you get stabby when you see excessivly bad font choices?  Or worse, excessively banal font choices?(default does not equal good).

Then you may be a font snob.  I am an admitted font snob.  I have some fonts that I hate with a passion that borders on fiery. I realize I’m not the first to point out these offenders, but I enjoy putting my two cents in.  And you’re just going to have to deal with it.

—–

papyrus

Remember when you saw Serenity?  Remember how happy you were that Mal and the gang were finally back?  Remember how much it hurt when you saw that damned Papyrus font in the poster?  Remember how you cried yourself to sleep whimpering “why, Joss, why why? I love you so much, how could you do this to me?”  Because I do.  Newsflash: Papyrus is not edgy.  It is not “artsy”, it is annoying and gross.  Yes, I said gross.  The sight of it makes me physically nauseous.  Have a nice day.  (P.S. Edible Arrangements , I’m on to you).

—–

impact

I admit, my disdain for Impact has more to do with the fact that it was the default font at my last job.  That, and it’s a bitch and a half to kern.  But in all seriousness, this little bastard needs to be saved for LOLCats and FailBlog.  AND NOTHING ELSE.  EVER.

—–

curlz-mt

Are you a 14 year old girl with AIM from 1995?  No?  Then stop using this font for your god damn vacation photos.  Especially in pink.  With pony clip art.  It’s just sad.  I weep for you.

—–

Zapfino

Ok, Zapfino, I admit we had a little bit of a fling two years ago when I thought you would be great to promote a tattoo studio.  But after a few rounds of unsatisfying design and poor typesetting and OMG WHY CAN’T I FIX THE VERTICAL SPACING I NEED A DRINK, I have decided to let you go.  Yes, you’re pretty, but you kind of make me feel dirty inside.  Zapfino, to quote the genius of Ben Gibbard, you are beautiful, but you don’t mean a thing to me.

—–

comic-sans-ms

NEVER.  NO.  STOP.  JUST FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY.  NO NO NO NO.  I WILL CUT YOU, I SWEAR TO GOD.

—–

And now you know.  And knowing is half the battle.

–DB

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