Ok, I’m a beer snob. This isn’t news. Although I haven’t always been a beer snob. For a long time I thought I didn’t even like beer. It was Phrigid who opened my eyes to a world beyond Miller Light. As my tastes for wits, weisses, ales, lagers, stouts and tripels has developed over the years, I have started to consider myself pretty widely versed in the world of barley and hops. However, there is one guilty beer pleasure I still can’t deny: An ice cold can of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
I know, I know. An artistic twenty something Fishtowner drinks PBR. Woo! Shocking! But let me assure you this is not just hipster elixir. This beverage is one of the best things you can do for your night out. I promise you won’t look pretentious. Well, unless you go out wearing tight jeans, a $65 flannel shirt from Urban Outfitters, and the ugliest plastic fake glasses frames you can find at Circle Thrift. then you’re on your own.
But for those of you who still have your doubts, I would like to present you with 10 of my own reasons why PBR doesn’t suck:
10. It goes with any meal
PBR will cool you down when you’ve got some extra spicy Indian or Thai food. It will compliment a cheeseburger. It will rock your world at a barbecue. It will even add a light compliment to a plate full of sushi. I dare you to find a meal that PBR doesn’t go with. Haggis doesn’t count.
9. It goes with any occasion
Hanging in the backyard with the neighbors? Have a Pabst! Going to a gallery opening? Pabst! Frat party? Go get a life! But seriously, PBR will make you look cool anywhere you are. You will fit in, make friends and influence people. Women will flock to you! Ok, not really. But it is pretty hard to go wrong while holding one of these cans.
8. You can cook with it
I am a fish and chips fiend. I will try fish and chips pretty much anywhere, and I will be incredibly critical of it. However, one of the best fish and chip meals I have ever had was made by our very own Phrigid. He modified the Alton Brown recipe from Good Eats (found here) to use PBR for the beer batter rather than brown beer. It makes just about the tastiest beer batter you will ever taste. It’s light, crispy, and doesn’t weigh down the fish. We recreated this meal down at our friend’s beach house last summer, and it was a huge hit. Washed down with (what else?), a nice can of PBR.
7. It’s won’t make you that fat
Yes, they make a “Lite” version of PBR. But honestly, what’s the point? A 12oz can of regular PBR has 153 calories. For beer, this is pretty damn good. Comparatively, 12oz of Sierra Nevada IPA has 231 calories, Blue Moon has 171, and Killian’s Irish Red has 162. In reality, I’m not one for counting my beer calories, but if you are, you can do worse than PBR.
6. Oh yeah, the taste
The most common criticism I’ve heard of PBR is that it “tastes like water”. This is simply not true. Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Light. These things taste like water. PBR is light, crisp and refreshing. No, it’s not the most flavorful beer you’re going to find at the distributor, but there is definitely a taste in there. I am not so much of a beer snob to deny that.
5. City-Wide Specials
I don’t know about you other cities, but in Philadelphia we have an amazing thing called a city-wide special. Generally this consists of a 12oz can of PBR, with a shot of whiskey. At my bar (and most bars), it’s Jim Beam, but some places use Tullamore or even Jack. And it’s $3. Wherever you are. $3. Hence the connotation of “city-wide”. Even the poorest of drunks can afford this.
4. You won’t hate yourself in the morning
Well, you might, but I doubt it will have anything to do with the beer. As stated above, this is an easy beer to mix with. None of this “beer before liquor, etc” business. You can drink a few cans of PBR, a few shots of whiskey, and your stomach won’t want to murder you in your sleep. Who you wake up next to, however, is your own damn problem.
3. Judging a beer by its label
I’m a graphic design nerd. I can’t help it, it’s sort of my job. It’s what pays the bills when I’m not doing my little blog-dance for you all. And I love the PBR can design. It’s simple, to the point, retro, and clean. And it looks good on a t-shirt. Especially a pre-faded one. Y’know, if you’re an asshole.
2. It’s better than a kick in the nuts
Not that I know from experience, but I assume so.
1. IT’S CHEAP, YOU BASTARDS!
Seriously. At my bar it’s a $1.50 a can. I can get a sixer of 16oz cans down the street for $5.50. A bomber at another bar is $2.50. If you’re somewhere that is charging more than $2 for a 12oz, you are getting ripped off. This is the Taco Bell nachos of beer. It’s cheap, it’s under-appreciated, and sometimes you just crave it.
And, as always, drink responsibly and when you’re of legal age to do so. Seriously, I don’t need to lose any pageviews because y’all decided to go on a PBR bender and drive yourselves into the Schuylkill. Don’t be stupid.